what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
