I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
