sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
