Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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