Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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