Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize