They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
