do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
