we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
third nipple confirmed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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