mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize