Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
