Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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