Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
