I love black thongs
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
