DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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