Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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