I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You pole danced in your parka.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
