Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
