Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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