It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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