This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
