I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize