Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
