Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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