i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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