he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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