Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
