I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
pop tarts are not kleenex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
