You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
