His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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