remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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