It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
