her vagine was all disorganized.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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