I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
