I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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