he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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