I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
