Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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