did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I cockslap morals
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize