He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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