Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
