Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
