I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
