Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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