just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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