Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
