he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
