thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
