HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am one with the molecules
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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