Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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