I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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