you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
