Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
