So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
