11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
