Only a mothe r could love this liver
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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