my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
