quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
mondays should just be called national damage control day
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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