I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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