Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
