Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
