I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
