Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
