The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize