We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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