i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
