I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize