I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didn't shave. On purpose
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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