im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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