if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
