There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
last night I used snow as a chaser
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
