It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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