yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
