he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
