Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
