So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
