I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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