And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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