Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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