thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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