Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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