Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will be naked everywhere
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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