So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Your dad touched me again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
