so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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