Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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