Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
